If you want a happy future, you have to learn to pick better memories.
In recent weeks I heard different people I care about say all of the following things:
“Why does everything always have to be so hard?”
“I remember that trip. We fought all the way.”
“She feels like her life will never be good again.”
It’s tough out there, in life. We’re all in it together, but sometimes it seems like we’re being singled out to go through some particularly hard things, or a sequential string of very difficult days (or months, or years).
Eventually, after having experienced enough of these difficult events, we can resign ourselves to that being how it “always” is, or “always” will be.
That’s when we bring out the “never” or “can’t” or “always” labels and start sticking them all over our lives, our capabilities, our relationships, our health, or our happiness. I’m personally guilty of this at times, so I’m not singling you out, but I have to tell you that this behavior is very damaging to your neurochemistry, your psyche, and your future happiness.
What you allow yourself to think about is directly tied to how you feel. It’s not the other way around, although you can let it feel that way.